So exactly a year ago this very night I was enjoying my last night of a fabulous first holiday with my boyfriend. After a very relaxing and indulgent week we decided to spend our last night at the hotel bar and make the most of our final hours as all inclusive guests. (If only life were as all inclusive as it is on holidays!) We spent hours making the most disgusting and lethal cocktails we could from spirits we had never heard of that were at least twice the strength of those in Britain. We chatted with the bar and restaurant staff as well as we could - them with their broken English and us with our slurred English - and were sobered up momentarily when one showed us a video on his mobile phone of him and his army friends (conscription is still practiced in Turkey) playing football with a dead mans’ head.

No doubt about it we needed more cocktails after that. Began chatting then with an English family about University and life in general. Ah we were so hopeful back then that with our degrees life would treat us right…

That turned into more drunken ramblings and I often wonder what impression I left this poor family with of me and the Welsh in general - oh what the hell I’ll never see them again so whatever right?

So now the story has been set. There need be no more description about my state apart from the fact that I was drunkety drunk drunk. And in that state I slunk from my bar stool in defeat and went to be sick in my room like a lady, of sorts. Whilst lying on my bathroom floor, a floor I had spent a week pacing across I was attracted to a shiny little lever low down on the wall near the back of the toilet.

Can any one guess where this is going? Because I couldn’t!

With my face still pretty much in the toilet bowl as I reached for the lever, I pulled it defiantely and was greeted by a short blast of cold water from a nozzle just hidden beneath the toilet seat. Apparently bidets in Turkey are well hidden and funny when drunk. Crumpling my face in confusion and mild disgust my boyfriend returned from the bar to find me still on the floor covered in water. When asked what I had done I decided it was too complicated to explain so I recreated the moment from a few minutes earlier for him.

What is it they say? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...oh yeah, shame on me!