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A brief book excerpt. The bus scene.

,

By: Grimm on the 19th March 2010 at 12:36pm

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Shoes on and I run for the bus. I wait at the bus stop. The bus arrives, I queue and get on and tell the driver – ‘Town please.’

‘Do you want a daysaver?’

‘No thanks, a return please.’

‘A dayreturn?’

‘I suppose so, yeah that would be great.’

‘We don’t do dayreturns anymore.’

‘Oh...er...just a single then.’

‘Are you coming back?’

I fake a trying to look at ease laugh while saying ‘I hope so.’

‘Do you want a single there and then buy  another single when you return?’

‘Looks like it yeah, ta.’

‘You’d be better off with a daysaver then. It’s cheaper.’

(Is this guy serious?) ‘Right a daysaver it is then.’

‘That’ll be three pounds fifty please.’

I rummage through my change and say ‘I’ve only got three pound in coins. You got change of a twenty pound note?’

‘Nah mate, not gonna get change for that either. Here’s a single for two pound thirty.’

‘Great. Thanks.’ Although this little example of customer service hasn’t been great and I’m not bloody thankful!! Also why do buses smell the way they do? The aroma obviously comes from the once tactile seats now worn to dirty leatherette. It rubs off from passengers pants. Do we all have pants that smell like this? Is this why car manufacturers predominantly use leather and its various pretenders in their vehicles? Somebody in the dim and distant past of automobile history was given the unfortunate task of sniffing people’s pants, and concluded that fabric bottoms meeting fabric seats repetitively equals the smell of drunken squirrels living in the armpits of a sewerage worker with overactive sweat glands. Hmm but why don’t sofas smell like this? The bus reaches the stop I need. I get off. It’s started to rain, oh well it might wash the bus seat smell off my arse!


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